


A Curious Thing

by ouroboros



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Multiple Selves, Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing a Bed, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 08:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13050693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouroboros/pseuds/ouroboros
Summary: Ted realizes he has some most confounding feelings about his best friend, and who better to ask for advice than someone who's felt the same thing?





	A Curious Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PajamaSecrets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PajamaSecrets/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, Pajamasecrets!
> 
> This has been a rarepair of mine for years, so I had so much fun writing this, and getting into Ted's head. Thank you for requesting it!
> 
> This fic diverges from canon at the end of Bogus Journey, where things go down differently at the battle of the bands.

Ted lays facedown on his bed, head buried in his pillow, breathing slow and miserable. He lets himself groan as loud as he wants to, since he’s alone in the apartment. Normally, halfway into a grumble of tribulation, Bill would be opening the door, a beer in each hand and a grin on his face, ready to help fix whatever the problem was. 

Ted is on his own with this one, though. And it could be a while, he thinks. He is pretty sure it takes him longer than most people to figure things out. Sometimes he comes up with good plans on the fly, like when he tricked those old west dudes into looking for the goodyear blimp. But usually he leaves the planning to Bill. This is the one problem, Ted acknowledges with a fresh lamentation, that Bill won’t be able to help with.

It’s been two weeks since the air conditioning unit in the window of Bill’s room broke, and they haven’t gotten the cash together to fix it. The money isn’t the problem, though. Well, it’s _a_ problem, just not _the_ problem. _The_ problem is that Bill has been crashing in Ted’s bed in the meantime. 

This should be totally unexceptional, except Ted wakes up each night with the solid warmth of Bill pressed up against him, unable to go back to sleep. It’s tremendously, heinously inconvenient to have a boner while, and maybe because, your best friend is breathing sleepily against the back of your neck.

It’s not too different from now, when Ted is spread out on the same bed, again trying to will his boner away. But this time Bill isn’t even there. It’s just the thought of him, remembering the way his unexpectedly muscled arm drapes across Ted’s chest when he’s asleep. And that’s all it takes to get Ted going. 

He rolls over onto his back and slides his hand down his belly, pausing at the elastic waistband of his sweats. _Ted_ he thinks to himself. _Dude. You have a girlfriend...well, you can get her back still, anyway. And it’s Bill you’re introspecting about here. He’s a dude, dude._

It has been a while since they’ve seen the princesses for anything other than band practice, but the worry that they might not be interested in being more than rock and roll collaborators anymore feels distant and unimportant now, with the memory of Bill’s leg hooked around his, his leg hairs glowing gold in the light from the dirty window taking up the entirety of his mind. 

He bites his lip and pulls his hand back. He’s not thinking clearly. He needs to talk to someone smarter than him, someone more experienced in the unfathomable ways of love, and maybe sexuality. But he tries not to think too hard about that yet.

It sure as hell can’t be his dad, and Rufus...he’s pretty sure he’d be too embarrassed to even form the words. There’s another option, he realizes. Someone who is hopefully at least a little bit better informed than he is. Someone who already knows the situation. 

Ted sits up and shakes his head, like he can somehow shrug off the desire still pricking goosebumps all over him. He tries to remember how this stuff even works. If he thinks about it now, reminds himself to do it later, he could--

There’s a thud and crackle in the living room. Ted stands up, sits down, stands up again. He isn’t ready, hasn’t had enough time to figure out what he’s even going to say. He’s still hard, for chrissakes. 

His door opens.

“Ted. Dude. We gotta talk.”

He doesn’t look that old, but he’s older at least than he had been at the battle of the bands, when he and Old Bill had come through to save their asses by playing for them while he and regular Bill watched from backstage, promising they’d start practicing intensively the next day. His hair falls in layered sweeps almost to his chin, and his beard is closely trimmed and streaked with gray.

He looks dignified, and still cool, somehow. It should be a relief, but all Ted can feel is a keen awareness of the smear of ketchup he knows is on his sweatpants, and the porno mag laying on the floor, and the fact that he can’t remember the last time he brushed his hair. Not to mention the fact that his panic has not done much to diminish his arousal. He feels way more than 20 some years apart from the cool, collected version of himself across the room.

He grabs his pillow and holds it casually in front of himself. He tries to stand taller, pushing his shoulders back and lifting his chin. “Talk about what?” 

Future Ted laughs. “Don’t fret, young me. This is hardly the first time I have been in the presence of my own boner.”

Ted thinks for a moment, figures this is pretty true, and tries to will his blush away. He clears his throat. “Well, uh. Please make yourself comfortable in my humble abode, esteemed guest from the future.”

“Why, thank you, Young Ted,” says Future Ted, and politely takes a seat in the old rolly desk chair Ted stole from his dad’s office. He sits cross-legged in it, like Ted always does.

“So.” Ted says, and sits on his bed the same way.

“So.”

Ted picks at the fraying hem on his pillowcase. “I am very much hoping you know why I invited you here. I totally did do that, didn’t I?”

“You did, and I do.” Future Ted pauses, then smiles. “You’re in love with Bill.”

Ted feels his face flush deeper. “I didn’t--That’s not what--I am just having some unsavory thoughts and emotions about him, and I need your help figuring them out.”

“I dunno dude. They were pretty savory if you ask me. Which you are.”

Ted wants to sink into his bed. He isn’t sure what he had expected; maybe that he’d tell him that it would go away, that there was some complicated angle he just hadn’t thought of yet. “Are you sure?” 

“You want my opinion, so I’m giving it to you. I’m here to save you some trouble. It’s love, dude.”

Ted feels his heartbeat thudding towards some unfortunate truth and is willing it away as hard as he can. “But what about the princesses? We love them. We’re gonna get back together, I know it.”

Future Ted pauses, tilts his head to the side, and Ted feels himself mimic the movement. “You do love them. But one thing doesn’t stop the other from being true.”

It’s strangely thrilling how sure Future Ted seems about it. Ted knows he isn’t much for overthinking, so he’s ready for the answer, ready for the advice he needs to set it all straight. “So what did you do? Who do I choose?” 

“Well…” Future Ted shifts in his seat. “The answers to those two questions might not be the same.”

“How do you mean?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t figure it out in time. You’ve been in love with Bill for years, but I didn’t figure it out for a while. I never had the balls to tell him.”

 _Oh_. Ted swallows. There’s a weird, twisty ache in his belly, hearing that. He keeps pushing for more. “Did you marry your princesses?” 

“Yeah, but not for long. We’re better bandmates than babemates, honestly. They’re just happy we got them away from the royal ugly dudes and into a world with antibiotics and the internet--you’ll learn about that later. And oh yeah! Joanna ended up with Missy, anyway. After she divorced Dad.”

“She _what_?” Ted runs his hands through his hair, fluffing it up to match just how befuddled he feels.

“Life is a rich and ever changing tapestry, young Ted. Don’t worry about them, they’re fine. Worry about you.”

“This is an unprecedented mental workout, old me.” He shakes his head like a wet dog, trying to clear it. “What about the band?”

“Oh, we still rock, and we totally still unite all living creatures in harmonious unity. We just do it as friends. Misty runs the merch table.”

“Woah.”

Future Ted gives him a minute to think, walking out into the kitchen and coming back with two beers, handing one to Ted. “Still drinking this shit, huh? Wait til you learn what a microbrew is, dude.”

“A what?” Ted is shaken from his thoughts.

“Nevermind. Sorry to distract you. What were you ruminating about?” He takes a sip and grins, licking his lips.

Ted wiggles a bit in his seat on the bed. “Just...how did you know that you, you know. With Bill?”

“That I loved him?”

Ted nods, his blush coming back full force.

“Like i said, it didn’t hit me til later. Spoilers for your future, Ted, but in a few years you guys go back to rescue a chest full of jewels and most precious heirlooms that the princesses left back in their castle, and end up having to infiltrate a ball that an evil duke is holding just to get a necklace of Elizabeth’s back after their dad sold some of their shit”

“Oh, woah, what a dick.”

“I _know_ , dude, he is especially bogus. Anyway, You end up dressing like a girl to sneak in, and you have to dance with Bill. You know, to fool the old evil dudes.”

Ted realizes he’s scooted to the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees, leaning toward Future Ted, heart like a kickdrum. “We danced?”

“Yeah. I don’t think we fooled too many people, though. Turns out there are a lot of complicated steps involved in old timey dancing. Plus you’re way taller than Bill, dude. But still, he put his hands, you know, on your, i mean our--you get it. Our hips. At first I thought I was just nervous from the fact that we could get beheaded, but then it hit me.” Future Ted stops talking, his eyes getting dreamy and distant. 

Ted’s whole body is burning thinking about it. Bill, standing close, their heads bent toward each other whispering their plan, swaying or whatever kind of dancing they do back then. Knowing it will happen to him, and that maybe, by then, he’ll have told Bill how he feels fills him with nervous energy. He can’t believe how bad he wants it. He makes a mental note to look up old fancy dancing. 

“Anyway,” Future Ted starts up again, “I shoulda figured it out way sooner. The number of times I stared at him while he slept in class should have been a hint.”

Ted laughs, comforted by the familiarity of it. “Holy shit, dude! That’s _all_ I ever did in class!”

“Yeah, the way his mouth would fall open a bit, you know?” Future Ted replies.

“And his curls would hang all in his eyes and stuff?”

“And I’d want to brush them out of the way?”

“Yeah” they say at the same time.

A lot of puzzle pieces are sliding together, and all of a sudden Ted’s past seems much clearer. And gayer. 

“Hey Future Ted, do you remember when we painted the Wyld Stallyns logo on the garage wall?” Ted says, memories all rearranging themselves into signs as he speaks.

“Yeah.”

“Remember when Bill wiped his hands on his jeans?”

“Oh god, and we stared at the black handprint on his ass the whole rest of the day.”

“How did we not _know_ , dude?”

Future Ted grins. “I dunno, but at least you know now. Better than I had it.”

Ted flings himself back onto the bed in giddy relief. “It feels good to finally be able to talk about how bodacious Bill’s ass is with someone, Future Ted.”

They both laugh, and the sound is easy and familiar. Future Ted’s voice is rougher, with vice or age, adding a gravely warmth as it blends with Ted’s. Ted lets the laughter fade into comfortable silence before he sighs and sits back up, turning to look himself in the eyes. “I guess we really do love him, then.”

Future Ted nods. “Most profoundly.”

“Do you think he loves us back?”

Future Ted is quiet for a moment. When he speaks, his voice is soft and purposeful in a way Ted hardly recognizes in himself. “I think he might, Ted. I really hope you find that out.”

Ted can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. Before he can get too overtaken by hope, a bit of reality hits him.

“So, hold on.” Ted runs his hand through his hair and cocks his head, trying to hold on to all the twisty facts of time travel in his brain at once. “If I’m talking to you now, and you _didn’t_ ever tell Bill, doesn’t that mean I won’t, either?”

Future Ted shakes his head. “I think, my young Ted, that the intricacies of time travel are more complex than we can ever really understand. Wyld Stallyns almost didn’t happen because you almost flunked History. If you and Bill had chosen to not create such a bodacious History report, you would not be the high school graduate you are now. And I would not be the worldwide superstar hero of the people that I am now. I chose not to tell Bill how I felt, so this is my life. You can make a different choice, if you want.

Ted breathes deep, trying to take that in. It feels heavy and complicated, in a way his previous adventures through time never did. He knows that some version of himself flunking history and causing the future to go into chaos was what sent Rufus back in time in the first place, but the logistics start swimming in his head.

“So you’re saying if I tell Bill that I…”

“That you love him.”

“That I love him. That might make your...my...whole life change?”

Future Ted nods.

“And you won’t mind me rewriting my, I mean our, future, I mean, past,” Ted stands up and starts pacing the short length of his room, “you know what I mean.”

“No, young me. I won’t mind”

“What happens to you, then? Do you become a different me, the same me that I’m gonna grow up into? Or do you keep living your whole life like it already was?” He doesn’t mention the other option--what if that Ted just stops existing altogether--but when he looks him in the eye, he can tell he’s thinking it, too.

“I guess I’ll find out. Or maybe I won’t.” Future Ted laughs to himself, soft and a little sad. “But it’ll be worth it, young me.”

Ted’s guts feel tied up in knots. He’s not sure how he can live up to this gift of choice he’s given himself. “You’re very wise, Future Ted.” 

“You’re wiser than you think, young Ted” says Future Ted as he stands up. He ruffles Ted’s already extremely ruffled hair and pats him on the cheek. His thumb is rough near the soft corner of Ted’s mouth, probably from all the guitar practicing Ted is still behind on. It makes him feel impossibly young and old at the same time. 

He drops his hand and walks toward the door. “I better get going, then. You have a lot of thinking to do. You gotta make peace with yourself before you can make peace in the world, Ted.”

Future Ted’s hand is on the doorknob when Ted blurts out “Do you mean what you said?” 

He’s not really even sure which part he’s asking about, he just needs a little more reassurance, and he hopes he knows himself well enough to know what he means.

Future Ted stops and turns back to give him a thumbs up. “Every bit of it, buddy. Why would I lie to myself?”

Ted sits still, thinking, long after the electric crackles of the departing phone booth die down.

~~

It's dark out by the time his door opens again. It's no wise alternate self, this time. It's Bill, wearing nothing but a crop top and boxers. Ted hadn’t heard him come home. He feels too many things at once.

"Oh, shit dude,” Bill says, “I didn't know you were home! I just came in here to partake of your excellent air conditioning. I had a most heinous workday, though, so it's good to see you." Bill flops down to lay next to where Ted is sitting on his bed.

Their legs are touching. Ted feels every nerve in his body light up with purpose. 

"What's up, Ted dude? You're quiet." He's looking up at him with his droopy, pretty eyes, and Ted wants to kiss him. Can't think of anything else but that.

"Ted?"

Ted takes a deep, steadying breath. This is no time for lyrics. Just the truth. "Bill. You trust me, yeah?"

Bill grins, an arrow to Ted's heart. "Of course, dude. More than anyone."

"So if I say something, you know I'm telling you, like, the deepest of truths."

Bill's eyebrows knit together. "Sure, Ted. What's up."

"And will you be my friend still, if it turns out you don’t feel like I do? You won't..." Ted can't say it. He can't even think about a life where Bill won't want be his friend. It'd be more heinous than death. That, at least, he got to do _with_ him. He feels a spiral of regret and fear start uncoiling in his guts. 

Bill sits up and puts his hand on Ted's thigh. "You're freaking me out, dude."

Ted can't stop looking at his mouth. Their faces are so close. He swallows.

Bill takes a sharp, short breath. " _Oh_ ," he says, soft.

Ted drags his gaze slowly, dreadfully, up Bill's face. His eyes are wide because of course he figured it out. Of course he knows Ted that well. 

Ted’s nerves haven’t gone away, but Bill hasn't taken his hand off his thigh. Ted can’t believe he never fully appreciated Bill’s dimples until this moment. He knows, then, that even with all of time at his fingertips, he doesn’t want to waste another second. He leans in.

Bill's mouth is soft and his lips part as soon as they touch Ted's. Emboldened by his reaction, Ted slides his hand up the back of Bill's neck, tangling his fingers in his curls, kissing harder.

"Woah" Bill says as he finally pulls back. He keeps his eyes closed as he speaks. "What did you...How did you know?"

Bill cuts Ted off before he can answer, saying, "Wait, hold on I gotta see..." And he's kissing Ted again. He climbs over him, a leg on either side of his lap. His fingers push hard into Ted's shoulders.

This is the most excellent, most singularly triumphant moment of Ted's life. He slides his tongue along Bill's and bites his lower lip, pulling it into his mouth. Bill groans against him.

Eventually they pull away from each other, untangling their limbs enough to catch their breath, not enough to stop touching. They stare at each other, shoulders heaving. Ted smiles first. He can't help it. This thing he barely knew he wanted a week ago is now something so attainable that his whole body is shaking with the heavy joy of it.

“So you?” Bill asks, pointing at himself.

“Yeah,” Ted shrugs, still grinning. “And you?”

A grin spreads on Bill’s face, too. They both lean back, air guitaring simultaneously. They collapse, laughing, back on Ted’s bed; a mess of limbs and hair and nervous, new energy. 

"Ted, dude," says Bill, "How did you figure it out?"

“Bill,” he says, rubbing his thumb along the sharp angle of Bill’s jaw, “Today I have had a most illuminating conversation with myself.”

**Author's Note:**

> The power of love is a curious thing  
> Make a one man weep, make another man sing  
> ...  
> But you know what to do  
> When it gets hold of you  
> And with a little help from above  
> You feel the power of love
> 
> -Huey Lewis and the News

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Curious Thing by ouroboros [podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13688109) by [Rhea314 (Rhea)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Rhea314)




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